Made of more

L.G. state + and - about the story

S.O.S  have 2 + and 2 -  in the story

Once upon a time there was a cloud, that came from the sea. It was definitely a personification cloud! It went along the city looking for things to do. It goes along the city, seeing everyone and what people are doing.

It was a personification cloud, and it went on adventures! That weren't easy! But the wind direct it. It went everywhere like… through parks, the city and across the sea. Everyone would look at it. It was stared at a lot!! IT sore a fire out in the city. It was so big no one could take out. So the cloud DID!!! With its water. The cloud was a personification cloud!!!!

I hope you liked it. I think it was cool how the cloud took out the fire, but they could've explained it a little better. I like how they said it came from the sea. But they could've put some more detail in it. I think the appropriate age for for this story is 7-18. The rating for this story is a 3 out of 5. So I hope you liked it.

Taking flight

S.O.S.   1 Hook in

2  Keywords/summary of story

3  Positives/negatives about the story

4  Age appropriate (9-20)

5  Rating (4-5) out of 5

This story is really interesting story. So the people that like green screens or like to explore with there imagination, you may like  this story called, Taking flight.

Droom, droom goes the car. In the front was dad. And in the back in the car seat was a little boy and his favourite stuffed teddy! The dad says “ We are going to grandpa's house.” “ I am sorry its on such short notice, but this meeting is very important.” “ Were here.” “ Hello dad.” “ Well i'm off, good bye.” Then grandpa and the boy went on a great adventure!!! They used lots of their imagination and had a great time. They did adventures like sailing the seas, in a boat surrounded by big comfy crocodiles. Trying to bite us!!! They did things like… under the sea snorkelling, going in an airplane and travelled to the moon!!!

I really liked this. The grandpa and the boy used a lot of their imagination. The age I would recommend for this book is 4-15 and the rating is a 4 out of 1-5. I hope you Aenjoyed this story!!!

SPS MASTERS!!!

L.G.  Add extra words to add detail

S.O.S.  at least 3 adjectives

On Monday september the 11th, the year three and four were set up a challenge for their audience. It was called Master chef. They  had to make a wonder full restaurant for people to come and enjoy the best food someone has ever made! I went to one Everyone had a part to do like.. Setting the tables up.Putting the decorations on the tables, and around them to. The cookes were cooking up a storm!!! And some people would be greeting people in and telling them where to sit. People say it was very nice. They found a eiffel tower out back so they hung it up on the wall. It looked very very nice! They cooked the best meals!

For there entree they had onion soup with a packet full of of flavor. Aldo with soe bread on the side with the margerine buttered on it.  For there main they had, cheese cheese and bacon plus smooth mashed potato all mixed together. It was delicious. Their table was set up beautifully, with flowers and cool placemats with their menu on it! They had fancy cups with fancy straws. It was a great set up with beautiful food!!!

Meanwhile when we were eating, the waitress came over and said… “ Are you enjoying your food?” So of course i said… “ Yes, i love it!’’ But the dessert was a little, um i don't know the words for it? Any way is was about time everyone started leaving. So i did to, But first i went to go say bye to my daughter in the kitchen. And it smelt… AMAZING!!!!!!  And everyone was doing a great job cooking and getting ready for the food to come out. And when i sore the sink, man it was full with… DISHES!!!!!

So when i was about to leave the waitress said to me. “ We hope you liked your food.” So i just said. “ yes i did i loved it, bye.”

Mr Elder

L.G.  To elaborate my ideas

S.O.S. Add a extra words to explain the same thing

Just picture this. You have so much work to do and you so much to do in just five minutes and you have no idear how to do it, but you are so tired because you had to wake up early. Then… 1 2 3 4, BOOM!!! You fall straight asleep. Well Mr Elder if you don’t want that happening, you should listen to me. Here are my three reasons why.

Firstly, all people hate school, and only like two people like school. Out of 100 there would be 2 or 5 people that like school and 98 or 95 people hate school! Well Mr Elder do you want people getting bored and falling asleep in class time? No. I didn't think so. So id suggest this. Make morning tea and lunch time longer. That way they will have way more fun and want get bored in all the lessons. And all the kids will want to come to school!

Secondly, About energy. All kids need energy! We need more play time play time because, if we have more play time we get more energy from all the running around. And if we don't have energy we can get high graded!!! Sometimes when people are dehydrated  some people get headaches  or feel a little sick. So do you want half of the school to go home? Do you?

Thirdly, If you get more play time you can make lots of friends. Like if new kids want to make friends but they’re shy they don’t have to hary they can settle into their new school. Do we want loners sitting on the seats with no friend? Do you ?

Finley, you all are probably going to say you need to learn to get good grades, so then you get a good high school and college. So you can get a job and a good future. But actually, maybe if you give us more play time we will work harder at learning time.And if they are not learning they have to go down the target, because no one likes going down the target or going down to white zone!!!

So Mr Elder there are my three reasons why I think we should have longer play time!!!

 

 

!LANI!

L.G.  To put my story in paragraphs.

S.O.S.  physical, attributes, personality, things they do, and head.

    

Lani has two beautiful hazel eyes that shines like the sea on a sunny day.

Her eyebrows have a taste of swag which shines  bright on a sunny day. She has a thick layer of sunny golden hair hanging down by her chest, that glows like gold chersha! Her dry red ruby lips have a look of shine as you walk past her. She has a stunning booming voice that comes out of her mouth.

Lanis a sporty girl that wears puma, nike, adidas, new balance, and other very cool stuff!!! She has beautiful earrings  that are coloured turl. There  beautifuler  than diamonds  in the sky!

Lani has alway been a tomboy. She loves doing sport and having fun with her friends. She makes everyone laugh and giggle. She's a halaris girl that makes everyone laugh. She’s an amazing friend you could ever  think of!!!

Lani LOVES doing a lot of things especially sport. She does Netball, basketball, swimming, gymnastics, and other cool things! She LOVES going to fun places like going to mega bounce and air zone places. She loves playing tackle and rippa rugby!!!

Lanis a great person and the greatest friend all the TIME!!! It's like a dream come true!!!

I got hit by a car!!!

L.G.  To put my story in paragraphs

S.O.S. Intro, action, problem, solution

One day, One family got hit by a car, “But wait?” Let me start from the beginning.“Oh just great we have ran out of chicken,” called mum. “Looks like we're going to Pizza magic,” shouted mum to the kid’s. “But dad and his mate’s have the two car’s,”sobbed Molly, because she knew we had to walk!!!

Mum, Molly, Elliott, and I started walking to Pizza magic.

“Come one you can see the store from here, can you just walk a little faster,”mum yelled. “Ok come on, hold on to my hand to cross the road.”

Then on the main road, mum was on the left side. Which was the busiest. Her mum was called Kim. Then we all walked into the of the road waiting to cross the other side. Then one, two, three, four, a drunk lady in her car just came driving into the middle where we were. CRASH!!! Then my mum drop’s to the drown. I get winderd, because my mum’s elbow went into my head. Everyone scream’s especially the girls.  Then mums says,“ her ring dad  to come her,” called mum. Pointing the the to Elliott. “Please, go, run off the road.” Then comes dad and grandma. So Dad rings  the ambience. A minute later we all heard the ambiences siren going off. Me more, me more, me more. I go into the ambulance  to see if i’m ok. Then mum goes in. She was badly injured!!!

A day later they found out that mum had a broken shoulder!!!  But lukey I was okey. At the end of all of it everybody was okey. And mum had a cast on so it could              

                               Heal!!! The end

The remade titanic!!!

L.G.   To put my story in paragraphs

S.O.S.  The said is dead

Once upon a time there were three best friends, that were named  Myah, Lani, Meah. One day it was Meah’s Birthday. Her parents owned a boat  so she had it there.All the kids loved it, and when all the kids we're gone, And the party was over. But except Meah, lani and Mia.Meah’s  little brother Max playing with the engine. But nobody saw him  doing it. Then! Then Suddenly the engine wobbled and stopped.

The girls room in the boat had water coming out of the sides. They thought it was a leak but it got faster and faster, so it definitely wasn't a leak. Meah was getting really scared. She sobbed, “No we're all going to die!!!” In the next room was Meah’s parents room. There room was ffffffffllllllllllloooooooooooooooodddddddeeeeeeddddddddd!! Then SUDDENLY The parents were gone! Meah and her friends couldn't hear them so they raced to Meah’s parents room. Then the  room came a little teary, “But,” mumbled Lani. “We need to get out of here let’s go.” Then the boat leaned to one side. Then the girls all scream together, “AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!”

The boat was nearly gone, But then Lani had a great idea! Se, Called Lani Pointing to all the things that are floating around. Jump on to something floating! Come on let’s swim back, Added Meah.

Anyway it wasn't too far away from sur!

THE END!!!